Assalamualaikum gaiss,
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I don't know how much I'd crying over because of I'm stressed out since (i don't know). Since I've found the truth, I don't know what I felt actually but I'm sure it's a mixture of sad and thankful. Every day I pray for always keeping my heart only for Him. I'm just tired of bringing out this feeling. It's really hurt. Maybe only He knows how it feels. Almost 5 years this feeling was brought in me.
Of course it has its bounds and I try to take care of it. But sometimes I'm very scared when I'm get over with the bounds and it destroyed me. So that I always ask for His help to keep this heart, just for Himself and I don't want to let it to others. Even people keep telling me that it is fitrah and just be careful not to over with the feeling, for me, better I forget it. Permanently.
Sometimes, I always pretending that, ''It's okay, it's just an accident. Maybe he didn't meant.'' or maybe ''cool sis, everyone does it.'' and blablablablabla. Until I'm proving that I'm stupid? No. Or maybe yes. My heart is blind. Only see the beauty in the darkness. How stupid.
Today, I'm very thankful with Him. He showed me everything that I can't see before this. I was crying badly that time. Even it is hurt and killed, I'm happy. Srsly. Thanks Allah. You'd been helped me. I hope I can study BETTER after this because there is nothing to be my stumbling block. This is one of the story for this entry. I hope I can ignore this kind of feeling next time.
Yet, I'm not really sure if I can make them proud. Consists my parents, especially my beauty mother, all my teachers, my friends, my senior, my sisters. They put high expectations on me. A hope to look me to be one of the star of the day in my school, or maybe I can be the brighter star? I also hope the same thing, but I'm always feel down when I can't do it, or when I stressed. How can I get over from these? I'm trying hard for these. Maybe I will try more hard after this. Pray for me.
I've got too much dreams that I can't list. Only a few I've wrote it on a piece of paper because it is the main dreams. I hold on with the dreams until I finished my exam this year. Now, I'm just a mega-dreamer.
Believe or not, I only have 5 months to spend right here (kusiss). So, I've to make it perfect before I will be an alumni of kusiss spm 2016 :')
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Of course it has its bounds and I try to take care of it. But sometimes I'm very scared when I'm get over with the bounds and it destroyed me. So that I always ask for His help to keep this heart, just for Himself and I don't want to let it to others. Even people keep telling me that it is fitrah and just be careful not to over with the feeling, for me, better I forget it. Permanently.
Sometimes, I always pretending that, ''It's okay, it's just an accident. Maybe he didn't meant.'' or maybe ''cool sis, everyone does it.'' and blablablablabla. Until I'm proving that I'm stupid? No. Or maybe yes. My heart is blind. Only see the beauty in the darkness. How stupid.
Today, I'm very thankful with Him. He showed me everything that I can't see before this. I was crying badly that time. Even it is hurt and killed, I'm happy. Srsly. Thanks Allah. You'd been helped me. I hope I can study BETTER after this because there is nothing to be my stumbling block. This is one of the story for this entry. I hope I can ignore this kind of feeling next time.
Yet, I'm not really sure if I can make them proud. Consists my parents, especially my beauty mother, all my teachers, my friends, my senior, my sisters. They put high expectations on me. A hope to look me to be one of the star of the day in my school, or maybe I can be the brighter star? I also hope the same thing, but I'm always feel down when I can't do it, or when I stressed. How can I get over from these? I'm trying hard for these. Maybe I will try more hard after this. Pray for me.
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| Can I see the wider smile than this? :/ |
''Kita nak Allah bagi apa yang kita nak, kita jangan buat apa yang Allah larang.'' -Kak Mirr
Currently, I miss everyone. Can I list? No. TOO MUCH people I've missed right now especially this guy;
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| Tbvh, he is the funniest guy I've ever; dad. |
Kak Eizleen, Piqa Zamri, Pipah, Kak Farah, Kak Mira, Amani, Qairunnisa, Jiha, too much I said. When I'll be able to spend time with them? Hohhh, I can't wait to finished high school and meet them, and making all my dreams come true :')
Believe or not, I only have 5 months to spend right here (kusiss). So, I've to make it perfect before I will be an alumni of kusiss spm 2016 :')
#mogatabah #mogakuat #sishebat :))